Clearing Space
Before a Renewal
by Maria Gavriel
I am
slowly encroaching into the middle of my life’s
journey
and find more and more that life is throwing
larger
and harder curve balls in my direction. In the last
year
I have been challenged with a fair amount of
experiences
that have stretched me farther than I ever
thought
possible. From all that was pouring onto me, I
began
to believe that I could never come out whole, once
the
storm was finally over. I can now say that it was the
biggest
gift I offered myself and my family. My experi
-
ences
allowed the opportunity for personal work in areas I
never
dared to travel to. And because I ventured into the
darkness,
I am now able to offer light not only to myself,
but
to my husband and children.
How
did all this come to fruition? We first had to clear
the
way. During the spring, my husband and I always
enjoy
the benefits of a long, clean detox. This was always
on a
physical level. We didn’t know that we were in need
of a
deeper detox, until we were immersed in it. This
inner
cleanse began at a ripe time in our lives, where
it
was either “do or die”. What does that mean? Well, the
way
our lives functioned at the time, was not authentic
important
it is for us to clean our space. Sometimes we
are
not even aware that there is any clearing necessary
and
we walk through life with a bundle of garbage that
simply
inhibits us from achieving greatness. And this
affects
everyone around us – especially the ones we love
the
most. The ones who get the brunt of it, are our children
– the
next generation.
Personally,
I thought I was perfect. And anyone that met
me
called me Super Mom, Career Woman, Super Woman,
and
all these awesome names that were a compliment
for
an over achiever like me. The truth is that on the
outside,
it did seem like I had it all, and it was all well put
together.
I created the perfect life. Once I was officially
welcomed
into motherhood, I began to feel the discomfort
of a
mirror being held up at me all day long. My children
grew
into toddlers and they began acting out in ways that
were
somehow familiar to me. Children and the reflection
they
offer you are a gift. You can’t escape the truth once
they
are part of your life, because they innocently show
you
all that you may not want to see.
The
way it all went downwards (before it skyrocketed
upwards)
was when my son and daughter began having
social
challenges at school. My daughter went from a
sweet
little sugarplum to an angry hitter and biter, and
my
son went from social butterfly and a leader to being
impeached
by his 5 yr. old friends – he was left to play
alone.
I got into fights with friends and other parents
about
my children and it grew into a horrible, painful,
dramatic
year. I kept asking in my prayers for guidance to
help
my children through this time. During that year, my
marriage
was also being strained but I figured it was just
a
side effect of all that was happening. Several months
later
I began feeling surges of anger fester in me that were
really
worrying me. Shortly after that, I realized I was a
secretly
unhappy, angry person, but kept wondering what
about
my life is making me feel this way? I must be so
ungrateful
and blind to all that I have in my life. Suddenly,
spiritual
books began flooding onto my nightstand from
recommendations,
gifts, and all sorts of ways. At one point
I was
reading 3 at the same time. I began practicing
affirmations,
meditations, visualizations, prayer, and essential
oil
therapy and the more I invited healing modalities into
my
life, the worse my life got. That was confusing....
For
the sake of keeping this brief, let’s just say that I was
faced
with unpleasant possibilities - with an uncertain
future
in my marriage; losing the perfect life that I created
and
knew so well; and the fate of my life, my husband’s
and
my children’s was to take a very different and unknown
turn.
This heart wrenching and confusing time, forced
me to
immerse myself into an abyss within me. I took the
plunge
into a rotten, ugly area that I thought had surely
disappeared.
This reflection led me to the most painful
moments
of betrayal caused by all the people that I loved
intensely.
I had to face feelings of distrust, judgment,
and
pain. Being in a place of “all in”, I confronted all that
created
a road block in my life. All the ugly moments that
created
a chain hold on me. All that held me back was
due
to my unresolved human experience. Confrontation
meant
that I also confronted the people that played a role
during
the painful moments throughout my journey. I
then
came to the most honest moment so far – that I was
not
perfect, and I had lots of work to do. At the time of
this
cleanse, my experience was unbearable and beyond
horrible.
I thought I would never see the light and climb
out.
I reached and I pulled out all the healing modalities
from
my tool box that I was gifted by the universe. I need
-
ed
everything I had in order to find my way out of this
spinning,
uncontrollable ride. And when I finally made it
out
and saw the light, I was grateful to all the
beloved
people that had “hurt” me. I realized that they
were
my biggest teachers. I am grateful for their committed
love
and for offering me the largest lessons in my life.
and
transform into the person I always dreamed to be.
It is
important to mention that, by beautiful and intended
coincidence,
my husband was also stretched and healed
during
the same year and he has expanded in ways he
only
dreamed of. He is the husband and partner I always
dreamed
of. Because we dared to face our personal hold
ups
and how they created our marital issues, our relationship
has
transformed and grown deeper roots than ever. Both
his
work and mine still continues, and is now merging.
Thanks
to our challenges, we have taken our first steps
towards
our life’s purpose and we are beginning to un
-
derstand
what it is that we came here to do. We detoxed,
cleaned
out our past, cleared our path, our prohibitions
and
now feel liberated and full of endless possibility.
The
most beautiful part is witnessing how this all affected
our
children and even our extended family
relationships.
Healing our wounds has freed our children
and
has brought us closer to our loved ones. Both of
our
children are now grounded, loving, caring, playful,
affectionate
and truly amazing little souls. Our
transformation
trickled down to them. This awesome
change
in them did not take place as a result of their own
personal
work, but ours. They just enjoy the benefits
of
mommy’s and daddy’s success. There hasn’t been any
arguing
in our home for over year. There’s always
maintenance,
and a clearing of space however. We have
now
acquired the tools of clean communication so that
there
is never any build up or any toxicity festering. Our
children
have wonderful, healthy friendships and are
thriving
in all areas of life; physically, emotionally, socially
and
spiritually. I am grateful for the work that we have
put
in, because now our children have the opportunity
to
experience their own life’s ups and downs without our
baggage
weighing them down unnecessarily.
I
believe it is important for parents to continuously reflect
and
heal whatever is tugging within them, for the sake of
their
children. If we all practice this as parents, we offer
great
opportunities for our children to be able to give to
the
world in tremendous ways. Through powerful, healthy
families
and children, we ultimately, allow for greater
possibilities
for our world and for our future. My family
has
experienced a rebirth and a renewal into a new way
of
being; a way we never imagined but only dreamed and
hoped
for.
So,
if experiencing a downfall in your family unit, instead
of
looking elsewhere for something new, try to water your
own
garden and plant new seeds. The grass can be greener
and
more beautiful than you expected on your side – it
may
even transform into a spectacular flower garden!
Maria Gavriel enjoys a wholistic lifestyle with her
husband and two children. She loves family time
in nature, sharing about her parenting downfalls
and triumphs, raising awareness and her own
downtime when she is meditating or working on
her new book Wholistic Parenting: Following Your
Inner Wisdom and Nature’s Plan. She is an HMN
member and the voice behind lovecenteredparenting.com.
She leads educational
community workshops on natural remedies, GMO events,
and other topics.
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