117) Learn lessons - overcoming fear

"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." Franklin Roosevelt (1882-1945)

Eknath Easwaran, Philosopher and writer tells a story: "Many years ago, I stayed at the home of a hospitable woman who happened to believe in ghosts. Her home had a beautiful view which took in the cemetery nearby, and though she was fond of me, nothing I could say could convince her that ghosts from that cemetery did not pay her visits. So, one day, I announced casually that I was going for a walk in the cemetery. When I returned, she was wringing her hands. 'Did you see any ghosts?' she asked anxiously. 'Oh yes', I said. "Three. I told them that you were too nice a lady to be living in fear all the time, and that they should go away and leave you alone.' 'And what did they say?' she giggled. 'They said that they could not, as long as she believed in them. So, they have to stay.' She stared at me for a second, then laughed out loud. Those ghosts never bothered her again."

 Like the lady in the story, our children harbor needless fears - of school, the teacher, the bully, ghosts, darkness and so on. They bed wet and have nightmares. Many parents make the mistake of belittling such fears, or labeling the child as a sissy. This does more harm. We have to gently but firmly address the fears of our children. Unless we do that when they are young, they will grow up to be young adults who fear their shadows. It is not easy, but we cannot give up trying. Through bedtime stories that dispel such fears, examples of others who overcame such fears, going with them to dark places to show them there is nothing to fear, showing them how to deal with the bully, visiting the school and jointly confronting their fears, we may take them slowly, but surely out of the complex they suffer from. The words of Roosevelt ring true.

116) Learn Lessons - Sacrificing for children

"I'll always be there for you. I hope you know." Helen M. Exley

In the last post (115), we referred to the courage of children, citing two stories from the many that came to us from the earthquake in China in May 2008. Here are two more, but this time, on the courage and sacrifice of parents.

1) A 3/4 month-old baby was rescued with no injuries. How did it happen? His mother bent over him to shield him from falling debris and continued to nurse him until she died. A cellphone found on the child, carried the message: "Dear child, if you survive please remember that mom loves you forever".
2) Song Xinying (3) was pulled out of the rubble after two days. She survived, but lost a leg. Her parents who formed an arch over her, to save her from falling rubble, died in the act.

Let us pay a silent tribute to those selfless and sacrificing parents.
We may not be called upon to give up our lives for our children, but invited to make big and small sacrifices for them, sometimes surrendering our pet dreams for them. We may be persuaded, by circumstances, to make sacrifices in money, time and effort. At such times, do we act grudgingly? Do we hold back, even a little? Do we complain? Do we tell our children of the sacrifices we made and expect them to make good? The noble deeds of the Chinese parents should inspire to go beyond the ordinary, to attain celestial heights. The motto of Helen M. Exley should become ours.

115) Learn Lessons - Courage guarantees all other qualities.

"Courage is rightly esteemed the first of human qualities because it is the quality which guarantees all others."  Winston Churchill

There were many stories told of courage demonstrated during and after the earthquake in China in May 2008. Two that struck me were:
1) A high school student found at the site of a collapsed building had both her hands and both her legs broken. The rescue workers wept, but she smiled and said: "Be brave".
2) A 5-year-old was rescued 24 hours after the quake. His left hand was broken, but he smiled and saluted the rescue workers, even as they cried.
As we admire these brave children, we can only hope that a spark of their courage might inflame us!

How do we respond when we are faced with adversity? Do we mourn our loss? Do we lament the fact that we have to suffer when others have escaped? Does it blur our view of life? Are we distraught by misfortune? Do we curse and swear? Do we blame God for what has happened to us? Invariably, a combination of these emotions and responses get the better of us and we become bitter. How different the Chinese children were! Perhaps their parents taught them to face trial and tribulation with fortitude; perhaps they prepared them for hard days; perhaps they showed them how to rise from a fall. Can we too teach our children to find courage when everything seems lost? Can we instil in them a new sense of joy in life which will not give way to lamentation and despondency? They will learn from us, when we can teach through example!

114) Learn Lessons - Detached from riches

"Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much."  Erich Fromm

Lord Braco, a Scotsman, who was very rich and miserly, had a store of gold and silver in his vault. One day a farmer said to him: "I will give you a shilling if you let me see all your gold and silver". Braco consented. The farmer gave him the shilling saying: "Now I am as rich as you are. I have looked at your gold and silver and that is all you can do with it".

Strangely, that is what we can do with our riches - look at them. The sad part of being rich is the clinging and clutching spirit that goes with the state - the state of attachment. We harbor a secret pride in what we possess not realizing that 'all will pass' - we cannot take anything with us when we die. Yet, we are far from giving to those in need. We rather hoard.

The example of my father comes back to me again and again. No one who came to him empty handed went back empty handed. He gave of his money, time and effort. He gave even when it hurt. The outpourings that we listened to on his death are still fresh in my mind.

When we stop hoarding and giving, our children will learn from us. In turn they will give freely of their little mite, time and effort and build up treasures that will not rust or decay.

113) My Latest Book- Life Lessons- Just Out

Have just published my fourth book, "Life Lessons- A Christian Sharing". It is available at all the St.Pauls Book Stores and Pauline Media Centres in India. For a complete listing of stores see the link at the bottom of this post. ( Price: Rs.130 ). If you are outside India ( Price: US$ 8.95 ) do contact me directly to purchase a copy at ignatiusfernandez@gmail.com and I will arrange to reach a copy to you.

Below is a review of the book. Hope you like the book.

REVIEW: LIFE LESSONS - A CHRISTIAN SHARING by Ignatius Fernandez.
Published by St. Pauls, Mumbai. Copies available at all book centers of Saint Paul/ Pauline Book Shops in the country.

To the jaded eye, the title of the book 'Life Lessons - A Christian Sharing' may not bode well. Clearly, most of us are increasingly wary of being lectured to or taught any lessons; let alone life lessons! But this book shares a message that undoubtedly merits attention. 

A compilation of articles written by speaker, author, blogger and admittedly a proud Christian, Ignatius Fernandez, this book, like a ‘Best of the Best’ music album, delights and delivers at the same time.   

One of the reasons why this book works is that almost every page is punctuated with questions that prompt some level of soul-searching. Some questions tread softly. Some confront. But they continually strengthen the case that the author is trying to build. And thankfully, this is not a case built on convoluted arguments or long-winded analysis. In a series of clear, concise and convincing articles, the author shares his view of Jesus’ teachings as life lessons to be cherished and acted on.

In an age of diminishing attention spans, brevity is always welcome. But in this book, it does not come from glossing over essentials. Thumbing through virtually any page yields rich dividends.

Grounding ideals to real life is not easy. But with apt anecdotes, a liberal dose of personal experience and practical advice, the author helps readers apply the life lessons to real life situations. So alongside insights into praise, forgiveness and sharing, you will also come across insights into refreshingly everyday concerns – managing money, making your marriage work and disciplining children effectively. And it is obvious that the author has spent some time thinking about these concerns.

A compilation of articles, written over time and for different publications, runs the risk of being disjointed. But in this case, the logical grouping of articles under specific themes unifies the message.

Not to be missed!

Reviewed by R. F. IVAN. (MA ; MBA, living for the last 10 years in Sydney, Australia and working for a large American Consulting Company. He is an author, painter and violinist.)

List of Distributors St Pauls

 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My earlier book "Through the Eye of A Needle" is now available at the following book stores.

Through the Eye of a Needle: Transforming Relationships by Ignatius Fernandez

A book about building meaningful and enduring relationships - with God, self, wife, husband, child, old parent, friend and colleague.

Copies now available at the following book stores in Chennai

·      Good Pastor International Book Centre

63 Armenian Street (St Mary’s Church campus), Parrys Corner, Chennai 600 001. Tel: 044-25388547

·      CLS Book Shop

68 Evening Bazaar Road, Park Town, Chennai 600 003. Tel: 044-25354296

·      ELS Book Shop

95-A Vepery High Road (near Veterinary College), Chennai 600 007. Tel: 044-25323231

·      ELS Book Shop

Purusawalkam (opposite Doveton Cafe), Chennai 600 007. Tel: 044-26422722

·      Santhome Book Shop (Santhome Cathedral campus)

Mylapore, Chennai 600 004. Tel: 044-65465248

Copies now available at the following book stores in Bangalore

·      Pauline Book and Media centre

21 Museum Rd, Next to St.Patrick's Church

Richmond Town Bangalore 560 025

Tel: 080 2558 7106; 2532 7773

·      Gangarams Book Bureau

72 MG Rd,Bangalore 560 001

Tel: 2558 1617/18; 2558 6189

·      CLS Bookshop

"The Estate" Ground Floor,Rear Block

Next to Manipal Centre

121 Dickenson Rd

Bangalore 560 042

Tel: 2558 2729

·      OM Books Retail

4th Main Rd,3rd Block

Above Kammanahalli FoodWorld

Kalyan Nagar Kammanahalli

Bangalore 560 043

 A review of the book is below:

112) Learn Lessons - Lending a helping hand

After the verb 'to love', 'to help' is the most beautiful verb in the world.  Bertha Von Suttner

We arrived from Sydney at Changi Airport, Singapore, With some difficulty I lifted off the belt one suitcase weighing 32 kilos. Suddenly, a young man arrived at my side and placed the heavy suitcase on the trolley. He also picked up our small bag off the belt and put it on the trolley. I had not seen this young man before. From his conduct I could tell that he just wanted to help a stranger. I was edified, even as I thanked him profusely.

How is it with us? Do we reach out to strangers? To those who need help, but do not ask for it? When we are blinkered in our view and see only what concerns us, we will miss opportunities to lend a helping hand. On the contrary, when we are all-embracing and willing to reach out to those in trouble, our children will learn from us and offer to help teachers, classmates, friends and us at home. The fabric is only as good as the thread that goes into the weave. Likewise, the family is only as good as the values that bind it.

111) Learn Lessons - Being a peacemaker

"If we have not peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other." Mother Teresa.

During WWI in 1914 British and German soldiers were assured that they would be home for Christmas. But the war dragged on and on and nearly 85 hundred thousand people died and many were injured. On the night of December 24, 1914, the weather was freezing cold. The soldiers could not hide in trenches since the slush was also very cold. The German soldiers began to light candles and hold aloft Christmas trees. The British soldiers watched and were amazed. The Germans were sitting ducks - they could be shot down. Instead, they saw it as a sign of hope and emerged from their hiding. The Germans began singing "Silent Night"; the British joined the singing. They dropped their weapons, shook hands and exchanged small gifts. Enemies forgot their differences and peacefully celebrated Christmas. This incident became wartime history.

Do we hold on to differences and nurse grudges in our hearts - with those who were once friends, with relations who were once close; with colleagues who were almost friends; with spouses; with children; with parents? Relationships that have gone sour are the breeding grounds for animosity and plotting. If only we remember the WWI incident, we shall gain strength and put away our differences and extend our hands in cordiality. We shall regain what we lost. Unless we teach our children to overlook differences and focus on what is common, they too will bear grudges against teachers, one time friends, and playmates. They will lose out on the beauty of forgiveness and the warm embrace of love.
They and we will regain peace, because together we have learned that we belong to one another. Shall we promise ourselves that we shall not delay but start immediately to mend fences?

110) Learn Lessons - Lend a helping hand

"You cannot live a perfect day without doing something for someone who will never be able to repay you." John Wooden

The Economist of March 31, 2012, carried an insightful article. Lyn Lusi (62) died in the Congo after a life time of service. Under the banner of HEAL - Health, Education, Action, Love - she reached out to the raped/abused women and the traumatized children of the Congo. Her husband, a local, performed surgeries to mend broken bones. Together, they worked wonders, bringing hope where there was despair, strength where there was weakness and healing where there many many wounds of body and mind. They worked tirelessly, sparing no time, effort or expense. We can salute in admiration!

Can we stop at that? Should we not ask ourselves what we do with our lives besides making money, advancing our careers and seeking popularity? Do we reach out? Not in the big way Lyn Lusi did, but in small ways? Is our neighbor happy to meet us because we genuinely care, and not pretend concern? Is that distant cousin who is without a job pleased when we make sincere inquiries and offer practical suggestions, and not offer casual advice? Is the old lady, sick for months, in the next block, really happy to have us visit her and share our concern for her health and well being? Unless we care, how will our children care? From whom will they learn to lend a shoulder to a classmate who has lost a parent, help a slow learner without showing off, keep company of an acquaintance who is feeling homesick and lonely? We cannot end a perfect day without reaching out; so too our children.

109) Learn Lessons - Loving children without counting the cost.

"Who is it that loves me and will love me forever with an affection which no chance, no misery, no crime of mine can do away? It is you, my mother. Thomas Carlyle.

Some years ago, on a hot summer day, a little boy went out to swim in the old swimming hole, behind his house. He jumped into the water and swam towards the middle of the lake. Just then an alligator swam towards the boy. The boy's mother, by now, had reached the lake and watched with dread the approaching alligator. She yelled to her son to get to the shore fast. As the boy reached the shore the mother grabbed him, even as the alligator snapped at his feet. A fierce tussle ensued between the mother and the alligator, each trying to pull the boy. Hearing her screams, a farmer who passed by shot the alligator, just in time. After weeks in the hospital, the boy recovered, but the ugly scars on his legs, from the ferocious teeth of the alligator, told the tale of a lucky escape. The scars on his arms were less ugly, but deep - where his mother's nails dug deep into his flesh to hold on to him. He prided in those scars as he gloated over his mother's superior strength, born of strong love.

Without warning, we are called upon to demonstrate heroic love for our children; perform super human acts of love. Are we mentally ready? When the time comes, will we be found wanting? Such acts may not always call for physical strength. They may test our moral correctness, when we have to protect our children from the preying claws of evil. When their baser instincts militate against the programming given to them at home, we will have to there for them gently guiding them to safety. That is when love is stronger than other forces!

108) Learn Lessons - Disciplining children

"Without discipline we can solve nothing." M. Scott Peck

There was shocking news in yesterday's newspaper. A 15-year-old student stabbed his teacher to death in a well known school in Chennai, South India. She had written comments in his diary on his poor performance, for his parents to read. That seems to have provoked his heinous act. He stabbed her in the throat, chest and abdomen. She died on her way to hospital. The act was premeditated, not impulsive, because he came to school with the knife carefully wrapped in a paper. When asked why he killed his teacher he replied that he had recently watched a Hindi movie in which the hero avenges the injustice to his family. He wanted to avenge what appeared to be the injustice of the teacher. The police report states that he came from a rich family who indulged his every whim and pampered him with a lot of pocket money. We are yet to know what will become of the case, but we have alarm bells ringing.

Are we guilty of spoiling our children without disciplining them? Do they react in anger and defiance when admonished? Have they lost respect for elders and teachers? Do they scheme and plot vengeance? Do we shield them when they do wrong? Do we pick on others when they are at fault? Do we guide them in the choice of movies and TV programs they watch? Is our parenting going wrong somewhere? It is time we took stock.

107) Learn Lessons - Not imposing ourselves on others.

"Never impose on others, what you would not choose for yourself." Confucius (551-479 BC)

A pro-life woman was picketed by pro-choice protesters. The day was cold, so she bought doughnuts and coffee and herself handed out the nourishment to the protesters. They were silenced. She told them that her choice was different from theirs but she respected them as people.

What an edifying example! What do we normally do when people disagree with us and choose to vehemently oppose us? We take it as a personal affront; we fight back; bad mouth them; and hold grudges, when we do not succeed in getting them to accept our way of thinking. Here is a fine woman who shows us a different way of dealing with the same situation. When we learn to disagree agreeably, not only do we keep our peace, but also we become spheres of influence to others, mainly our children. When they see us unruffled in challenging situations, they too will learn to face them with composure. Their young lives will be edifying.

106) Learn Lessons - Value relationships

"Relationships are what life is all about." Rick Warren

In his book, My Confessions, Russian Novelist Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910), admits to his blunder of chasing fame through his writing, which robbed him of the wealth of relationships. He chose the embrace of fame and popularity to the warmth of close relationships.

Tolstoy is not alone in his lamentation. Many of us do, but lack the courage to face the problem head-on and solve it. Instead, we remain slaves to our passions - lust for pleasure, craving for power, insatiable hunger for money and unquenchable thirst for fame. We chase these phantoms at the risk of our relationships - with spouse, children, parents, siblings, colleagues, friends and even strangers, who are friends we have not met. We draw boundaries and keep people at a distance, seldom letting them enter the inner circle of our lives. We will not spare a thought or time for others, obsessed with our personal agenda.

It is time we revisited our relationships. It is time we embraced those eager to encircle us with their arms and give us a place in their hearts. There is no better time to do it than at the start of a New Year.

Seeing us change our priorities and give our relationships the place they merit, our children will learn to value people and not things. They will discover the meaning of love.

105) Learn lessons - thank God for blessings

"What you are is God's gift to you; what you do with yourself is your gift to God." Danish Proverb.

A cynic, sitting under a huge nut-bearing tree holds a monologue with God. Such a huge tree has such small nuts and a slender creeper bears a huge water melon. "Is that not disproportionate", he asks God? Just as he concludes his question, a nut from the tree falls on his head. In relief, the cynic exclaims: "Thank God that was not a water melon!"

As the year draws to a close, it is time we reflected on the numerous blessings we received from God. Apparently, some life-situations seemed insurmountable. In retrospect, they were blessings cast in the shape of opportunities. Our meditation could take us one step ahead: now that we are on the threshold of a new year, what can we do for God with the blessings He has given us? Could we become more productive? Could we reach out to others gladly? Could we use the many talents we have with purpose? The questions could go on and on, but the point is the same: Can we thank God through acts of love? Once we are convinced that we can bring more direction into our lives in the New year, we could inspire our children to use their young lives effectively.

Let me wish visitors to this blog a blessed and peace-filled Christmas and an eventful 2012. Have a great year! God bless.

104) Learn Lessons - match aspirations with capability

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." Theodore Roosevelt

A man was seen fishing. Every time he caught a big fish, he threw it back in the water. Each time he caught a small fish, he kept it. A puzzled onlooker asked him why he did what he was doing. The man blinked and replied: "I have only an eight inch frying pan. The big fish will not fit." It did not occur to him that he could cut the big fish to size. That is not the point. The lesson for us is that we match our aspirations with our capabilities. The fish to fit the pan.

Not every dancer can dance like Michael Jackson. Not every sprinter can match Usain Bolt. Not every boxer can do an Ali. Not every singer can sing like Jim Reeves or Connie Francis. Not every poet can be another John Milton. Each can operate within limits; within the capability he or she has. It is important to realize this. Often we chase wild dreams, hoping to conquer heights we cannot climb. We envy those who excel at what we cannot. We live dissipated lives, because we will not come to terms with our limited skills. We could aim at the stars to hit at least the tree tops. That is fine, as long as we are realistic. When we learn to match our ambitions with our ability, our children will learn from us and not spend wasted days dreaming of things they cannot do. If my son is a straggler in class, no amount of my persuasion will push him to the top. He could improve his performance, but not above his capability. He should not become a depressed young fellow, because I keep goading him to achieve something that is clearly out of limits for him. It is better to heed the advice of Theodore Roosevelt and be content - not letting up on efforts, but moderating aspirations.

103) Learn Lessons - small is big

"They also serve who only stand and wait." John Milton

A water bearer carried two pots on a cane across his neck as he fetched water for his master's household. One pot was slightly cracked and leaked water; the other was without flaw. As he carried water each time, water leaked from the cracked pot. This happened day after day, until the cracked pot lamented: "I leak water. Your hard work is not rewarded. Can you not fix the leak?" The pot bearer patiently explained: "No matter how broken we are, we serve a purpose." "What purpose do I serve," the pot asked? The pot bearer questioned with understanding:"I wonder if you have noticed the bed of flowers on the route we take to the stream?" "Not really," the pot answered. "The water that leaks from you, waters that bed of flowers. Fresh flowers bloom which I collect for my master's table. So, you help the flowers and the flowers help us. You and your leak serve a purpose."
(I owe this story to my grandson, Augustus, who narrated it with gusto.)

This is where small is big - small acts have a big impact. Without our knowing, we are engaged in small acts of kindness which impact the lives of others, very often, in a big way. We treat them as trifles, but kindness is no trifling matter.Perhaps a warm welcome to someone who is sad, can cheer that person. Perhaps a little relief to someone who is overburdened, can bring a smile to replace a frown. A word of encouragement, can put a spring into the step of one who is lagging behind. Small acts add up like flowers that go to make a bouquet. John Milton's words at the top of this post offer the same thought - he was blind but hoped that his poetry would help readers in a small way; actually they helped people in a big way. When our children see us perform little acts of kindness and small deeds of mercy, they too will want to follow our example and reach out to children around them. Before long they will have a halo over their heads.

102) Learning lessons - Smile

"You can give the poor even your life, but if you don't give it with a smile, you give them nothing." Mother Teresa.

(The story that appears below was sent to me by an acquaintance. I thank her.)

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree. The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile."

The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reaction. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say, hello anyway ... so, I thought, this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to a hotel, one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special play time with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch ... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body smell" and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally deficient and the blue eyed gentle man was his salvation. I held my tears ... as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. To sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something, and they just wanted to be warm.

Then I really felt it ... the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me ... judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you ... God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son.

When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me honey ... to give me hope." We held hands for a moment. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it ... then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class.

A smile costs us nothing,but it lights up someone's life.When we smile we spread good cheer and hope. We open the door to happiness - both for ourselves and others. And when we give with a smile the giving is treasured. Once we make a habit of giving with a smile, it will rub off on our children to bring them a share of happiness. We owe it to them.

101) Learning lessons - Discovering the unique child

"What society does to its children, so will its children do to society." Cicero

A certain young politician had taken up the cause of a minority group. He was completely engrossed in this project - writing, speaking and debating the issue at every forum he could find. It had become for him a magnificent obsession.

One day, a young man from the minority group visited him and begged for a moment of his time. Peeved at the young man's insistence to meet him, the politician instructed his assistant to inform the visitor that he was totally caught up in the cause of the group that he could not spare time for the individual. The startled assistant replied: "Sir, that is incredible. Even God has not reached that stage, yet". The politician had got behind a cause and ignored the person in front of him.

The same thing happens to many of us - we get caught up in the concepts of parenting that we ignore or forget to pay attention to the individual child, the one who is different, unique. To treat each child differently and not by common standards is the holy duty of parents. Instead, we try to bracket them as children and deal with them as a group - neglecting their individual preferences, traits, their blossoming personalities.

We are ruffled when we are stereotyped; yet we do precisely that to children without a thought for the person that each is. As a result our children are emotionally bruised and nurse many hurts. These hurts sometime disfigure their personalities. And willy- nilly we pay the price for the harm we bring upon them.

100) Teach children lessons - that your love cannot be measured.

"Where there is love, there is no labor; or, if there is labor, the labor is loved."
Saint Augustine.

A mother had twelve children. The youngest was a sad sight - physically and emotionally challenged. When Mother Teresa offered to take the child to her Home for children, the mother of the child begged her not to separate her child from her. "This child is the greatest gift God has given my family. All our love is showered on her. If you take her away from us, our lives would have no more meaning". (Story taken from the book: Mother Teresa, In my own words.)

This story should set us thinking. In some of our homes there could be a child who is a slow learner, autistic, deformed or physically challenged in some way. How do we respond to that child? Fatalistic? This is a cross I must carry? Is there unspoken anguish? Do we see the child as a burden that we are forced to shoulder? Do we secretly wish that the child passes on? Our attitude to the child will speak through our actions - labor that can be loved.

Perhaps, we could also learn from the mother of six, who was asked which of her six children she loved the most. Without hesitation she answered: I love that child most who is in trouble. When he is out of trouble, I love the next child who is in trouble. Her love was a response to the need of the child - not her need. As Saint Augustine puts it again: "The measure of love, is to love without measure."

99) Teach children lessons - setting norms

"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." Anais Nin.

A man passes a watch maker's shop everyday and stops to correct his watch. The watch maker sees this and inquires why the man had to correct his watch daily. He replies that he works in the adjoining factory and has to make sure that he rings the factory bell exactly at 4PM at closing time. Concealing a blush, the watch maker confides that his clock does not work well and that he corrects his clock everyday when the factory bell rings.

The story may amuse us, but strangely that is what happens to many of us. We keep adjusting our value system to the norms others have only to discover that their norms are suspect. We try to ape others to be befuddled when we find that we are following the wrong standards. Sometimes we have the courage to change and reset our value system. At other times we just carry on. The problem strikes us when our children act likewise. They switch from time to time to adopt priorities of those they fancy. They do not stop to search their minds. They do not see things as they are but as they are - blind followers of others. We owe it to them, not only to have the right standards for our lives, but also help set their own clocks.

98) Teach children lessons - value relationships

"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."
Anne Frank (Nazi victim)

Leo Tolstoy in his book My Confessions admits to the blunder of chasing fame through his writings, which robbed him of the treasure of relationships.

Very often we commit the same mistake. We chase our money goals. We fall in love with a position and will do anything to retain it. We hanger after things and possessions, ignoring people who are important in our lives. We choose things over people. Our relationships suffer. Instead of recognizing goodness in people, we find goodness in things. Our children watch what we do and imitate what we do. For them also friends are less important to the things they value. Even people at home become second best. God loses His place in their lives. They chase dreams that are insubstantial. It is time our thinking changed and our example became edifying. Otherwise like Leo Tolstoy, we will have regrets and in our footsteps our children will lament the missed opportunities.