"Where there is love, there is no labor; or, if there is labor, the labor is loved."
Saint Augustine.
A mother had twelve children. The youngest was a sad sight - physically and emotionally challenged. When Mother Teresa offered to take the child to her Home for children, the mother of the child begged her not to separate her child from her. "This child is the greatest gift God has given my family. All our love is showered on her. If you take her away from us, our lives would have no more meaning". (Story taken from the book: Mother Teresa, In my own words.)
This story should set us thinking. In some of our homes there could be a child who is a slow learner, autistic, deformed or physically challenged in some way. How do we respond to that child? Fatalistic? This is a cross I must carry? Is there unspoken anguish? Do we see the child as a burden that we are forced to shoulder? Do we secretly wish that the child passes on? Our attitude to the child will speak through our actions - labor that can be loved.
Perhaps, we could also learn from the mother of six, who was asked which of her six children she loved the most. Without hesitation she answered: I love that child most who is in trouble. When he is out of trouble, I love the next child who is in trouble. Her love was a response to the need of the child - not her need. As Saint Augustine puts it again: "The measure of love, is to love without measure."
Friday, August 19, 2011
Friday, July 29, 2011
99) Teach children lessons - setting norms
"We don't see things as they are; we see them as we are." Anais Nin.
A man passes a watch maker's shop everyday and stops to correct his watch. The watch maker sees this and inquires why the man had to correct his watch daily. He replies that he works in the adjoining factory and has to make sure that he rings the factory bell exactly at 4PM at closing time. Concealing a blush, the watch maker confides that his clock does not work well and that he corrects his clock everyday when the factory bell rings.
The story may amuse us, but strangely that is what happens to many of us. We keep adjusting our value system to the norms others have only to discover that their norms are suspect. We try to ape others to be befuddled when we find that we are following the wrong standards. Sometimes we have the courage to change and reset our value system. At other times we just carry on. The problem strikes us when our children act likewise. They switch from time to time to adopt priorities of those they fancy. They do not stop to search their minds. They do not see things as they are but as they are - blind followers of others. We owe it to them, not only to have the right standards for our lives, but also help set their own clocks.
A man passes a watch maker's shop everyday and stops to correct his watch. The watch maker sees this and inquires why the man had to correct his watch daily. He replies that he works in the adjoining factory and has to make sure that he rings the factory bell exactly at 4PM at closing time. Concealing a blush, the watch maker confides that his clock does not work well and that he corrects his clock everyday when the factory bell rings.
The story may amuse us, but strangely that is what happens to many of us. We keep adjusting our value system to the norms others have only to discover that their norms are suspect. We try to ape others to be befuddled when we find that we are following the wrong standards. Sometimes we have the courage to change and reset our value system. At other times we just carry on. The problem strikes us when our children act likewise. They switch from time to time to adopt priorities of those they fancy. They do not stop to search their minds. They do not see things as they are but as they are - blind followers of others. We owe it to them, not only to have the right standards for our lives, but also help set their own clocks.
Monday, July 11, 2011
98) Teach children lessons - value relationships
"In spite of everything I still believe that people are really good at heart."
Anne Frank (Nazi victim)
Leo Tolstoy in his book My Confessions admits to the blunder of chasing fame through his writings, which robbed him of the treasure of relationships.
Very often we commit the same mistake. We chase our money goals. We fall in love with a position and will do anything to retain it. We hanger after things and possessions, ignoring people who are important in our lives. We choose things over people. Our relationships suffer. Instead of recognizing goodness in people, we find goodness in things. Our children watch what we do and imitate what we do. For them also friends are less important to the things they value. Even people at home become second best. God loses His place in their lives. They chase dreams that are insubstantial. It is time our thinking changed and our example became edifying. Otherwise like Leo Tolstoy, we will have regrets and in our footsteps our children will lament the missed opportunities.
Anne Frank (Nazi victim)
Leo Tolstoy in his book My Confessions admits to the blunder of chasing fame through his writings, which robbed him of the treasure of relationships.
Very often we commit the same mistake. We chase our money goals. We fall in love with a position and will do anything to retain it. We hanger after things and possessions, ignoring people who are important in our lives. We choose things over people. Our relationships suffer. Instead of recognizing goodness in people, we find goodness in things. Our children watch what we do and imitate what we do. For them also friends are less important to the things they value. Even people at home become second best. God loses His place in their lives. They chase dreams that are insubstantial. It is time our thinking changed and our example became edifying. Otherwise like Leo Tolstoy, we will have regrets and in our footsteps our children will lament the missed opportunities.
Monday, June 20, 2011
97) Teach children lessons - through example.
"You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips." Oliver Goldsmith
A welcoming party was assembled at the railway station for Dr Albert Schweitzer - Nobel Peace Prize winner in 1953, and missionary who spent his whole life among the poorest in Africa. As the train stopped a tall man stepped out of his compartment to cheers of those waiting. Senior officials shook his hands and the media feasted on the event. He thanked them warmly, but quickly excused himself to go across to an elderly black woman who was struggling with her bags to board the train. Dr Albert helped her with her bags and wished her a safe journey. Returning to the people gathered to greet him, he excused himself for keeping them waiting.
In the crowd, an admirer remarked: "That is the first time I ever saw a sermon walking".
As parents we ought to remember this story and the implication on the example we set our children. Our life, more than our lips will edify our children.
A welcoming party was assembled at the railway station for Dr Albert Schweitzer - Nobel Peace Prize winner in 1953, and missionary who spent his whole life among the poorest in Africa. As the train stopped a tall man stepped out of his compartment to cheers of those waiting. Senior officials shook his hands and the media feasted on the event. He thanked them warmly, but quickly excused himself to go across to an elderly black woman who was struggling with her bags to board the train. Dr Albert helped her with her bags and wished her a safe journey. Returning to the people gathered to greet him, he excused himself for keeping them waiting.
In the crowd, an admirer remarked: "That is the first time I ever saw a sermon walking".
As parents we ought to remember this story and the implication on the example we set our children. Our life, more than our lips will edify our children.
Monday, May 16, 2011
96) Teach children lessons - Anger Management
"If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow."
Chinese Proverb.
A few weeks ago I witnessed an incident that shocked me. Two little boys were standing in front of the candle stand at Church. One, about eight, was trying to touch the lighted candles. The other, about five, was trying to do what his brother did. The mother of the children rushes in and starts beating the older boy for playing with lighted candles and allowing his younger brother to do likewise. Shouting at the top of her voice, she berated the older boy in unkind words and continued to physically assault him. In shame and pain, the little boy cringed.
What example was the mother setting? Was her angry outburst a solution? Would she correct her child or harden him in his disobedient ways? Often our mindless words and actions result in the opposite effect we want to produce. Very often we scandalize our children through our irresponsible acts.
Chinese Proverb.
A few weeks ago I witnessed an incident that shocked me. Two little boys were standing in front of the candle stand at Church. One, about eight, was trying to touch the lighted candles. The other, about five, was trying to do what his brother did. The mother of the children rushes in and starts beating the older boy for playing with lighted candles and allowing his younger brother to do likewise. Shouting at the top of her voice, she berated the older boy in unkind words and continued to physically assault him. In shame and pain, the little boy cringed.
What example was the mother setting? Was her angry outburst a solution? Would she correct her child or harden him in his disobedient ways? Often our mindless words and actions result in the opposite effect we want to produce. Very often we scandalize our children through our irresponsible acts.
Monday, April 11, 2011
95) Teach children lessons - "How can I help?"
"Help your brother's boat across and lo! your own has reached the shore." Hindu Proverb
Sylvia Hill, with a degree in counseling and extensive managerial experience, shines shoes at the Boston Airport. Travelers get their shoes shined by her as she engages them in conversation. Some are touched by her warmth and her cheerful ways that they share their load of problems with her. Using her experience in counseling, she offers them a few tips. They get back to tell her that her suggestions helped. She said that she opted out of a Corporate career to reach out to people who are heavily burdened. "I didn't want to just come to the airport and shine shoes. I wanted to provide service to people, and wanted to make a difference."
Caught up in our own lives, we seldom ask the question: How can I help? When we are obsessed with our lives, our children will think and act likewise - shunning every opportunity to reach out to others. It is time we made a difference to others, to our children and to ourselves.
Sylvia Hill, with a degree in counseling and extensive managerial experience, shines shoes at the Boston Airport. Travelers get their shoes shined by her as she engages them in conversation. Some are touched by her warmth and her cheerful ways that they share their load of problems with her. Using her experience in counseling, she offers them a few tips. They get back to tell her that her suggestions helped. She said that she opted out of a Corporate career to reach out to people who are heavily burdened. "I didn't want to just come to the airport and shine shoes. I wanted to provide service to people, and wanted to make a difference."
Caught up in our own lives, we seldom ask the question: How can I help? When we are obsessed with our lives, our children will think and act likewise - shunning every opportunity to reach out to others. It is time we made a difference to others, to our children and to ourselves.
Monday, March 28, 2011
94) Teach children lessons - Forbearance
"If you suffer from a bad man's injustice, forgive him lest there be two bad men."
Saint Augustine.
The papers report crimes of different kinds - deception and cheating, molestation and rape, thefts and robberies, stabbings and shootings; the list is endless. The vile acts shock us and we are quick to condemn both the crime and the criminal. But have to stopped to consider that we are no less guilty?
We desire another man's wealth and scheme how to steal it from him. We lust beautiful women and women crave for virile men. We plot the downfall and death of those who harm us. The only difference is that we commit the crimes in our minds, others carry out their nefarious plots. We stop with the plan and fear to carry it out because of consequences. The truth is that we are partners in crime with those convicted. We are the shadow criminals.
We are watched by our children who are quick to pounce on those who err - sibling, classmate, teacher. They condemn others although they are guilty of the same faults. Unless they learn from us to forbear the wrongs of others, they will be held down by their double standards - viewing their own faults leniently and being merciless in pulling down others. Only forbearance will give them a balanced view.
Saint Augustine.
The papers report crimes of different kinds - deception and cheating, molestation and rape, thefts and robberies, stabbings and shootings; the list is endless. The vile acts shock us and we are quick to condemn both the crime and the criminal. But have to stopped to consider that we are no less guilty?
We desire another man's wealth and scheme how to steal it from him. We lust beautiful women and women crave for virile men. We plot the downfall and death of those who harm us. The only difference is that we commit the crimes in our minds, others carry out their nefarious plots. We stop with the plan and fear to carry it out because of consequences. The truth is that we are partners in crime with those convicted. We are the shadow criminals.
We are watched by our children who are quick to pounce on those who err - sibling, classmate, teacher. They condemn others although they are guilty of the same faults. Unless they learn from us to forbear the wrongs of others, they will be held down by their double standards - viewing their own faults leniently and being merciless in pulling down others. Only forbearance will give them a balanced view.
Monday, March 14, 2011
93) Teach children lessons - value life
"It is great to be alive", was a sign at the entrance to San Fransisco many many decades ago, when the town had a population of only 500 people but many thousand graves.
During the Second World War ll a Dutch Jew who was a Jeweler was held captive in a Nazi concentration camp. Hidden in a safe place was some gold that he managed to smuggle into the camp. He hoped that he could use it when he was free again. The rations in the camp were meager and he was hungry for most of the time. He knew he could not take it longer, so he decided to trade his gold for food. With the guard he bargained. After much time and many words the guard gave him two dried potatoes for his gold. But the Jeweler accepted the potatoes because he valued his life more than the gold. He wanted to live to be free again.
Viktor Frankl a psychiatrist who was also a prisoner in a concentration camp made an important finding after much observation and study: prisoners who had a reason to live outlived those who gave up hope; who did not have a reason to live.
Do we have a good reason to live? Not just the reason of amassing wealth? Can we honestly say that we live purposeful lives, because we value the life we have? Do we teach our children to value the life God has given them? From us they will learn if we believe that "it is great to be alive" - to live purposeful lives, for ourselves and for others.
During the Second World War ll a Dutch Jew who was a Jeweler was held captive in a Nazi concentration camp. Hidden in a safe place was some gold that he managed to smuggle into the camp. He hoped that he could use it when he was free again. The rations in the camp were meager and he was hungry for most of the time. He knew he could not take it longer, so he decided to trade his gold for food. With the guard he bargained. After much time and many words the guard gave him two dried potatoes for his gold. But the Jeweler accepted the potatoes because he valued his life more than the gold. He wanted to live to be free again.
Viktor Frankl a psychiatrist who was also a prisoner in a concentration camp made an important finding after much observation and study: prisoners who had a reason to live outlived those who gave up hope; who did not have a reason to live.
Do we have a good reason to live? Not just the reason of amassing wealth? Can we honestly say that we live purposeful lives, because we value the life we have? Do we teach our children to value the life God has given them? From us they will learn if we believe that "it is great to be alive" - to live purposeful lives, for ourselves and for others.
Monday, February 21, 2011
92) Teach children lessons - Giving credit where due
"Prophets are not without honor except in their own country and in their own house."
Matt.13:57.
When Jesus walked this earth 2000 years ago, a section of people did not give him credit for the wondrous deeds he performed. That prompted him to say that a prophet like him was not recognized in his hometown. His detractors stopped at not giving him credit.
We go further. Not only do we not give credit where it is due, but also steal credit from those who should have it. Seeing us blatantly flout decency, our children act likewise. They take credit for acts not performed by them - like taking credit for homework and projects completed by parents or older siblings, taking credit for answers provided by others to difficult questions, winning games by cheating. Unless we check this habit as it starts, they can become crafty manipulators. But before we attempt to change them, we need to change ourselves.
Matt.13:57.
When Jesus walked this earth 2000 years ago, a section of people did not give him credit for the wondrous deeds he performed. That prompted him to say that a prophet like him was not recognized in his hometown. His detractors stopped at not giving him credit.
We go further. Not only do we not give credit where it is due, but also steal credit from those who should have it. Seeing us blatantly flout decency, our children act likewise. They take credit for acts not performed by them - like taking credit for homework and projects completed by parents or older siblings, taking credit for answers provided by others to difficult questions, winning games by cheating. Unless we check this habit as it starts, they can become crafty manipulators. But before we attempt to change them, we need to change ourselves.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
91) Teach Children Lessons - Imitation
"The proof of love is imitation." Saint Augustine.
Responding to a question on who his role models were, Jason Araghi founder of Araghi's Green Bean Coffee Worldcafe Company said: "My parents. They are my heroes.Their story is about being good role models." Immigrants from Iran to the USA during the revolution which saw the fall of the Shah, they had to face very hard times. Right through those tough days his parents lived in dignity, teaching him to be a good human being. Those lessons are indelibly printed in his mind.
He chose to set up his parents whom he loved dearly as his role models and decided to imitate them. That is what love does.
How do we score? Do our children love us enough to make us role models? If not, why?
Responding to a question on who his role models were, Jason Araghi founder of Araghi's Green Bean Coffee Worldcafe Company said: "My parents. They are my heroes.Their story is about being good role models." Immigrants from Iran to the USA during the revolution which saw the fall of the Shah, they had to face very hard times. Right through those tough days his parents lived in dignity, teaching him to be a good human being. Those lessons are indelibly printed in his mind.
He chose to set up his parents whom he loved dearly as his role models and decided to imitate them. That is what love does.
How do we score? Do our children love us enough to make us role models? If not, why?
Monday, January 17, 2011
90) Teach children lessons - Integrity
"No legacy is so rich as honesty." Shakespeare
The great wall of China is a gigantic structure which cost much money and took much labor to construct. It looked impregnable when finished. But the enemy breached it, not by tearing it down or digging a tunnel under it, but by bribing the gatekeepers. Nothing is safe where there is corruption; where integrity is missing. Our children are not safe in a home where honesty is compromised.
We are blind to our faults, but will notice and accuse others of the slightest weakness. We shut our eyes to the many half truths that occupy our lives, because deep down we are corrupt, without wanting to acknowledge our guilt. In such a situation, what happens to our children? They see how we live our double standards - preaching honesty but practicing dishonesty in our personal and professional lives. What will our children choose to do? What is convenient; what brings them material gains. So, they too make compromises. They too become corrupt like us.
We hope to leave our children a legacy of riches. Why not try leaving them a legacy of honesty?
The great wall of China is a gigantic structure which cost much money and took much labor to construct. It looked impregnable when finished. But the enemy breached it, not by tearing it down or digging a tunnel under it, but by bribing the gatekeepers. Nothing is safe where there is corruption; where integrity is missing. Our children are not safe in a home where honesty is compromised.
We are blind to our faults, but will notice and accuse others of the slightest weakness. We shut our eyes to the many half truths that occupy our lives, because deep down we are corrupt, without wanting to acknowledge our guilt. In such a situation, what happens to our children? They see how we live our double standards - preaching honesty but practicing dishonesty in our personal and professional lives. What will our children choose to do? What is convenient; what brings them material gains. So, they too make compromises. They too become corrupt like us.
We hope to leave our children a legacy of riches. Why not try leaving them a legacy of honesty?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
89) Teach Children lessons - growing in faith
"Faith is not a leap in the dark; it is a leap out of darkness into light." David Reed.
The passengers on a train were uneasy as they sped along through the dark stormy night. Lightning flashed and the clap of thunder was terrifying as black clouds rolled in, threatening heavier rains. The view through the windows was scary, to say the least. Fear and tension among the travelers was evident, as the train gained speed and rushed over wet tracks.
One little fellow sat alone engrossed in play, with a few toys that surrounded him - unaware and unafraid of the storm and dangers that could beset the travelers. Watching him intently, an elderly lady asked him: "Son, I see that you are alone on the train. Aren't you afraid to travel alone on such a stormy night?" The little boy looked up and gave the lady an angelic smile; then he confidently replied: "No ma'am, I am not afraid. My daddy is the engineer(train driver)."
The innocent faith of a child in his father!
As parents, how we long for implicit trust of our children! We rejoice in such faith. What is unfortunate is that the flame of faith that once burnt bright dims, and we are dismayed. What did we do to deserve the change? Why have our children lost the trusting faith they once had in us? We need to find some answers if our parenting efforts are to get back on track, like the speeding train. Our parenting cannot be derailed for want of trust!
The passengers on a train were uneasy as they sped along through the dark stormy night. Lightning flashed and the clap of thunder was terrifying as black clouds rolled in, threatening heavier rains. The view through the windows was scary, to say the least. Fear and tension among the travelers was evident, as the train gained speed and rushed over wet tracks.
One little fellow sat alone engrossed in play, with a few toys that surrounded him - unaware and unafraid of the storm and dangers that could beset the travelers. Watching him intently, an elderly lady asked him: "Son, I see that you are alone on the train. Aren't you afraid to travel alone on such a stormy night?" The little boy looked up and gave the lady an angelic smile; then he confidently replied: "No ma'am, I am not afraid. My daddy is the engineer(train driver)."
The innocent faith of a child in his father!
As parents, how we long for implicit trust of our children! We rejoice in such faith. What is unfortunate is that the flame of faith that once burnt bright dims, and we are dismayed. What did we do to deserve the change? Why have our children lost the trusting faith they once had in us? We need to find some answers if our parenting efforts are to get back on track, like the speeding train. Our parenting cannot be derailed for want of trust!
Monday, December 20, 2010
88) Teach children lessons - Helping adversaries
"It is a pleasant thought that when you help a fellow up a steep hill, you get nearer to the top yourself." - Reynolds Price.
Some days ago the newspapers reported on a ravaging fire in Israel that claimed 41 precious lives and scorched acres of land. Firefighters and the people of the area braved the flames to stop more damage. The best part of the team effort was the joining of Palestinians in the firefighting. Setting aside age-old rivalry and rancor, they offered to help their adversaries. What a beautiful act! What a wonderful way of expressing oneness in the face of danger! Do we see a window for peace in the monstrous wall that separates them? We hope that out of some evil, much good will come.
We are reminded of the parable Jesus told - The Good Samaritan. The priest and the Levite, walked past the wounded man. Supposedly, they had their reasons. Along comes a Samaritan, whom the Jews despised. He stops to succor the wounded man. He does not shun him. Instead, he sees a fellow in distress and willingly helps. Are we seeing the parable in action, 2000 years after Jesus narrated it? In their rescue effort are the Palestinians giving us a sign of hope? Is a candle being lit which can light other candles?
Often we are caught up in a war with our adversaries. We malign them; plot their downfall; and delight in their misfortunes. We believe that we have scored a point.
Watching us perform our children learn to gloat over the failings of those who oppose them; speak ill of them; and in their own way scheme to put down those who were friends till yesterday, but have fallen out today. What a tragic commentary to our parenting efforts!
When people in Israel and Palestine can light a candle, will we join them in lighting candles in our own homes?
In this season of goodwill we wish you a blessed and peace-filled Christmas and a hope-filled New Year.
Some days ago the newspapers reported on a ravaging fire in Israel that claimed 41 precious lives and scorched acres of land. Firefighters and the people of the area braved the flames to stop more damage. The best part of the team effort was the joining of Palestinians in the firefighting. Setting aside age-old rivalry and rancor, they offered to help their adversaries. What a beautiful act! What a wonderful way of expressing oneness in the face of danger! Do we see a window for peace in the monstrous wall that separates them? We hope that out of some evil, much good will come.
We are reminded of the parable Jesus told - The Good Samaritan. The priest and the Levite, walked past the wounded man. Supposedly, they had their reasons. Along comes a Samaritan, whom the Jews despised. He stops to succor the wounded man. He does not shun him. Instead, he sees a fellow in distress and willingly helps. Are we seeing the parable in action, 2000 years after Jesus narrated it? In their rescue effort are the Palestinians giving us a sign of hope? Is a candle being lit which can light other candles?
Often we are caught up in a war with our adversaries. We malign them; plot their downfall; and delight in their misfortunes. We believe that we have scored a point.
Watching us perform our children learn to gloat over the failings of those who oppose them; speak ill of them; and in their own way scheme to put down those who were friends till yesterday, but have fallen out today. What a tragic commentary to our parenting efforts!
When people in Israel and Palestine can light a candle, will we join them in lighting candles in our own homes?
In this season of goodwill we wish you a blessed and peace-filled Christmas and a hope-filled New Year.
Monday, December 6, 2010
87) Teach children lessons - winning by fair means
"We are not interested in the possibilities of defeat. They do not exist."
Queen Victoria (1819-1901).
Did Queen Victoria repeat one of Alexander's axioms? We do not know. What we do know is that Alexander ruled out the option of losing. Here is how he demonstrated his winning-belief. His Generals had failed , after repeated attempts, to capture a rather elusive territory. So he decided to lead them on their last charge. As the soldiers sailed to their target, they spotted a large number of enemy ships anchored at port. The large number of ships suggested that the opposition would be formidable. Fearing defeat, his soldiers pleaded with Alexander that they return home. He would have none of it. They disembarked at a secluded spot on the enemy shore. Then looking at the boats that they had just pushed under cover, Alexander ordered the soldiers to burn them. They were stunned. How would they go back? But no one dared disobey Alexander. In dismay and fear they burnt the boats. Looking into their faces drained of hope, Alexander promised them that they would return home in the enemy ships. To do that, they would have to fight for their lives to capture both ships and territory. They fought with unusual valor and won, to go back in the enemy ships.
We cannot but admire the winning attitude in Alexander. Some of us have the same drive. To win always. Winning is good if the means are fair. But winning at all costs casts doubts on our motives. Bending rules and compromising on ethics does our reputation no good. When we win unfairly, then winning is losing. The tragic part is that our children watch us scheme and plot the downfall of others, that they begin to adopt our ways. They will lie and not feel ashamed; cheat and not feel guilty; tread on other toes and shrug the incident away; and gloat. Unless we teach them to play fair they will celebrate pyrrhic victories and hollow triumphs.
Queen Victoria (1819-1901).
Did Queen Victoria repeat one of Alexander's axioms? We do not know. What we do know is that Alexander ruled out the option of losing. Here is how he demonstrated his winning-belief. His Generals had failed , after repeated attempts, to capture a rather elusive territory. So he decided to lead them on their last charge. As the soldiers sailed to their target, they spotted a large number of enemy ships anchored at port. The large number of ships suggested that the opposition would be formidable. Fearing defeat, his soldiers pleaded with Alexander that they return home. He would have none of it. They disembarked at a secluded spot on the enemy shore. Then looking at the boats that they had just pushed under cover, Alexander ordered the soldiers to burn them. They were stunned. How would they go back? But no one dared disobey Alexander. In dismay and fear they burnt the boats. Looking into their faces drained of hope, Alexander promised them that they would return home in the enemy ships. To do that, they would have to fight for their lives to capture both ships and territory. They fought with unusual valor and won, to go back in the enemy ships.
We cannot but admire the winning attitude in Alexander. Some of us have the same drive. To win always. Winning is good if the means are fair. But winning at all costs casts doubts on our motives. Bending rules and compromising on ethics does our reputation no good. When we win unfairly, then winning is losing. The tragic part is that our children watch us scheme and plot the downfall of others, that they begin to adopt our ways. They will lie and not feel ashamed; cheat and not feel guilty; tread on other toes and shrug the incident away; and gloat. Unless we teach them to play fair they will celebrate pyrrhic victories and hollow triumphs.
Monday, November 22, 2010
86) Teach children lessons - Giving unselfishly
"If you give because it pays, it won't pay you." R. G. LeTourneau.
A poor family of six, parents and four children, were eagerly awaiting the arrival of a popular Circus Troupe in town. To give his family a treat the man saved coins over weeks to have enough for the tickets. After much waiting and great expectations they queued at the ticket counter. As it opened and the ticket prices were put up the man was aghast - after all that saving he was still short of cash for six tickets; even for the lowest class. He told his wife that he and she could wait outside the circus tent as the children watched the show. But the children would have none of it - they all went in or no one went in. Suddenly their spirits matched their faded clothes and footwear which was giving way in places. They decided to walk away from the queue. A man standing behind them in the queue heard their conversation. Without a word he dropped some money at the foot of the father, who was preparing to leave, and walked into the crowd - a nameless benefactor. The father saw the money, saw the man drop it at his feet, but had no chance to thank the giver. Excitedly they watched the show, but the man's heart went back again and again to the generous giver who would not wait to be thanked.
Many of us give, but want it to be a photo opportunity; a chance for a press report;
an occasion when others praise us for our generosity; a way of claiming a tax benefit. We expect some form of recompense. Jesus was decisive when he said: "But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing". Matt. 6:3. He continued that charity is rewarded by God, not man. Therefore, trumpets are not necessary. In the story we just read the man who dropped the money at the father's feet did not want even the rest of the family to know that someone else was paying for their tickets. He did not want the head of the family to lose face.
It is time we examined our motives when we give. It is time we taught our children to give without expecting thanks and praise. To know that the act of giving in itself is the reward. It also applies to non-money acts of kindness.
A poor family of six, parents and four children, were eagerly awaiting the arrival of a popular Circus Troupe in town. To give his family a treat the man saved coins over weeks to have enough for the tickets. After much waiting and great expectations they queued at the ticket counter. As it opened and the ticket prices were put up the man was aghast - after all that saving he was still short of cash for six tickets; even for the lowest class. He told his wife that he and she could wait outside the circus tent as the children watched the show. But the children would have none of it - they all went in or no one went in. Suddenly their spirits matched their faded clothes and footwear which was giving way in places. They decided to walk away from the queue. A man standing behind them in the queue heard their conversation. Without a word he dropped some money at the foot of the father, who was preparing to leave, and walked into the crowd - a nameless benefactor. The father saw the money, saw the man drop it at his feet, but had no chance to thank the giver. Excitedly they watched the show, but the man's heart went back again and again to the generous giver who would not wait to be thanked.
Many of us give, but want it to be a photo opportunity; a chance for a press report;
an occasion when others praise us for our generosity; a way of claiming a tax benefit. We expect some form of recompense. Jesus was decisive when he said: "But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing". Matt. 6:3. He continued that charity is rewarded by God, not man. Therefore, trumpets are not necessary. In the story we just read the man who dropped the money at the father's feet did not want even the rest of the family to know that someone else was paying for their tickets. He did not want the head of the family to lose face.
It is time we examined our motives when we give. It is time we taught our children to give without expecting thanks and praise. To know that the act of giving in itself is the reward. It also applies to non-money acts of kindness.
Monday, November 8, 2010
85) Teach children lessons - Accepting Responsibility
"People need responsibility. They resist assuming it, but they can't get along without it." John Steinbeck.
On November 4, between 1 and 2 AM, Singapore time, we watched President Obama's press conference, after the mid-term election results were announced. His Party had suffered a battering in the House of Representatives and just managed to hang on to a slender lead in the Senate. It was not a good time to face the press. Yet, with composure and dignity, he fielded questions (some tricky ones also), to give Americans and the World an answer they were looking for - the future would be better than the past.
What struck us during the one hour press meet, was his courage and humility to accept responsibility for the current state of affairs. He did not offer excuses; did not look for scapegoats; and did not pass the buck. Instead, the man that he is, he took the assaults on his chin, held himself responsible for what went wrong and promised to work harder to deliver better results. In the words of R. L. Stevenson, "he was like a clock in a thunderstorm" - ticking away despite the storm raging around him.
When things go wrong how do we react? Get into the blame-game? Look for excuses? Nail others? When we play such games, our children will learn to excel in them. If they score well in a test, proudly they take credit. But if they do badly it is the teacher to blame - she set a tough question paper; she did not teach well; she was not fair in evaluation. When will the blame-game stop? Only when we choose to end it - like President Obama. Growth in our children will begin only when they stop blaming others.
On November 4, between 1 and 2 AM, Singapore time, we watched President Obama's press conference, after the mid-term election results were announced. His Party had suffered a battering in the House of Representatives and just managed to hang on to a slender lead in the Senate. It was not a good time to face the press. Yet, with composure and dignity, he fielded questions (some tricky ones also), to give Americans and the World an answer they were looking for - the future would be better than the past.
What struck us during the one hour press meet, was his courage and humility to accept responsibility for the current state of affairs. He did not offer excuses; did not look for scapegoats; and did not pass the buck. Instead, the man that he is, he took the assaults on his chin, held himself responsible for what went wrong and promised to work harder to deliver better results. In the words of R. L. Stevenson, "he was like a clock in a thunderstorm" - ticking away despite the storm raging around him.
When things go wrong how do we react? Get into the blame-game? Look for excuses? Nail others? When we play such games, our children will learn to excel in them. If they score well in a test, proudly they take credit. But if they do badly it is the teacher to blame - she set a tough question paper; she did not teach well; she was not fair in evaluation. When will the blame-game stop? Only when we choose to end it - like President Obama. Growth in our children will begin only when they stop blaming others.
Friday, October 29, 2010
84) Teach children lessons - Conviction
"A man is a saint when he stands for his convictions." Peter Marshall.
One evening, a young Traffic Cop pulled up a vehicle for a traffic offense. The driver stepped out of the vehicle and introduced himself as a Senior Police Official. He expected the young Cop to salute him and let him go. Instead, the young man wrote out a ticket and gave it to the stunned Officer with the words: "Sir, you should be proud that you have an honest Cop on the Force".
What would we have done in that situation? What do we teach our children to do in such situations. The easy way out is to flow with the tide. To make compromises. To do what keeps us out of trouble, even if it means doing something wrong. Do our children stand up for what they believe in? They will do it, if we do it. When conviction leads the way courage is close behind.
One evening, a young Traffic Cop pulled up a vehicle for a traffic offense. The driver stepped out of the vehicle and introduced himself as a Senior Police Official. He expected the young Cop to salute him and let him go. Instead, the young man wrote out a ticket and gave it to the stunned Officer with the words: "Sir, you should be proud that you have an honest Cop on the Force".
What would we have done in that situation? What do we teach our children to do in such situations. The easy way out is to flow with the tide. To make compromises. To do what keeps us out of trouble, even if it means doing something wrong. Do our children stand up for what they believe in? They will do it, if we do it. When conviction leads the way courage is close behind.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
83) Teach children lessons - Excellence.
"Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well." Philip Chesterfield.
Over the past few weeks we have had only bad news from the Commonwealth Games, being conducted in India. Incompetent, irresponsible, chaotic and many more harsh expressions have been used by people to describe conditions at the games venue. Those in charge of the games have been put to the sword.
Why did this happen? Funds, despite the corruption, were available in plenty. Skill and Intelligence were not in short supply. What then was the problem? Put simply, it is the CHALTHA HAI attitude of the average Indian, which means, in English, compromises are okay. Delays are okay. Poor quality is okay. Lower standards are okay.
As an Indian, I am embarrassed to admit that it is true. Unfortunately, the average child grows up making compromises - at home, in school and among friends. Later, in adult life, the attitude does not change, because we as parents do not change. Ours is a compromised way of life.
We have a grave responsibility to save our children from such a negative attitude that can bring upon them nothing but disaster. We shall have to begin with ourselves. Only then can we convincingly persuade our children to follow the path of excellence, not compromise.
"God does not want us to do extraordinary things. He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well." Charles Gore.
Over the past few weeks we have had only bad news from the Commonwealth Games, being conducted in India. Incompetent, irresponsible, chaotic and many more harsh expressions have been used by people to describe conditions at the games venue. Those in charge of the games have been put to the sword.
Why did this happen? Funds, despite the corruption, were available in plenty. Skill and Intelligence were not in short supply. What then was the problem? Put simply, it is the CHALTHA HAI attitude of the average Indian, which means, in English, compromises are okay. Delays are okay. Poor quality is okay. Lower standards are okay.
As an Indian, I am embarrassed to admit that it is true. Unfortunately, the average child grows up making compromises - at home, in school and among friends. Later, in adult life, the attitude does not change, because we as parents do not change. Ours is a compromised way of life.
We have a grave responsibility to save our children from such a negative attitude that can bring upon them nothing but disaster. We shall have to begin with ourselves. Only then can we convincingly persuade our children to follow the path of excellence, not compromise.
"God does not want us to do extraordinary things. He wants us to do ordinary things extraordinarily well." Charles Gore.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
82) Teach children lessons using stories - Is There Love ?
"Love cures people - both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."
Karl Menninger
A prison in Brazil ran a special project. Instead of treating prisoners harshly and violently, they decided on treating them with kindness and concern. At first the prisoners were suspicious, because no one had treated them well before. But the jail authorities continued undeterred in their attempts to reach out to the prisoners and treat them with some dignity. In time, the inmates realized that it was for real and dropped their guard to return smiles with smiles; kindness with kindness. As the project reached an advanced stage, the Warden decided to entrust prison security to a prisoner who was serving a life sentence. Everyone was shocked. But the Warden had faith in the prisoner and in his project. The prisoner faithfully carried out his responsibilities. When the media heard of this unusual experiment, they queried the
prisoner: Now that you are in charge of security and serving a life sentence, why don't you run away? The prisoner replied promptly: Who can run away from love?
Parents need to ask themselves the same question: Who can run away from love? We read and hear of children running away from home. Some who want to do it, but do not dare to carry out their plans, stay back, unhappy at the way things are. Children are quick to see through the motions that parents go through in their parenting. They recognize the ones burning with love from the ones who do not make serious attempts to master parenting. And they are confounded. It is not that there are perfect parents; but there are parents who try to be perfect and those who do not try enough. And when children find that love is wanting, they want to go where love will be plentiful - perhaps outside the home, they believe. It is up to us to fill the void that children feel.
Karl Menninger
A prison in Brazil ran a special project. Instead of treating prisoners harshly and violently, they decided on treating them with kindness and concern. At first the prisoners were suspicious, because no one had treated them well before. But the jail authorities continued undeterred in their attempts to reach out to the prisoners and treat them with some dignity. In time, the inmates realized that it was for real and dropped their guard to return smiles with smiles; kindness with kindness. As the project reached an advanced stage, the Warden decided to entrust prison security to a prisoner who was serving a life sentence. Everyone was shocked. But the Warden had faith in the prisoner and in his project. The prisoner faithfully carried out his responsibilities. When the media heard of this unusual experiment, they queried the
prisoner: Now that you are in charge of security and serving a life sentence, why don't you run away? The prisoner replied promptly: Who can run away from love?
Parents need to ask themselves the same question: Who can run away from love? We read and hear of children running away from home. Some who want to do it, but do not dare to carry out their plans, stay back, unhappy at the way things are. Children are quick to see through the motions that parents go through in their parenting. They recognize the ones burning with love from the ones who do not make serious attempts to master parenting. And they are confounded. It is not that there are perfect parents; but there are parents who try to be perfect and those who do not try enough. And when children find that love is wanting, they want to go where love will be plentiful - perhaps outside the home, they believe. It is up to us to fill the void that children feel.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
81) Teach children lessons using stories- Purpose vs Problems
"If you take care of the things that are dear to God, He will take care of the things that are dear to you." Howard Taylor
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren , Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for..
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease..
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
That is Rick Warren's approach to life. What is ours? How do our children see life? To them is it a mad rat race of making money and acquiring things? Do they have time and thought for God and others in their life? Isn't it time we pondered and we got our children to think?
In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren , Rick said:
People ask me, What is the purpose of life?
And I respond: In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity. We were not made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven. One day my heart is going to stop, and that will be the end of my body-- but not the end of me. I may live 60 to 100 years on earth, but I am going to spend trillions of years in eternity. This is the warm-up act - the dress rehearsal. God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one.
The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort; God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness. This past year has been the greatest year of my life but also the toughest, with my wife, Kay, getting cancer. I used to think that life was hills and valleys - you go through a dark time, then you go to the mountaintop, back and forth. I don't believe that anymore. Rather than life being hills and valleys, I believe that it's kind of like two rails on a railroad track, and at all times you have something good and something bad in your life. No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for..
You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems:
If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centredness, which is my problem, my issues, my pain. But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.
We discovered quickly that in spite of the prayers of hundreds of thousands of people, God was not going to heal Kay or make it easy for her- It has been very difficult for her, and yet God has strengthened her character, given her a ministry of helping other people, given her a testimony, drawn her closer to Him and to people.
You have to learn to deal with both the good and the bad of life.
Actually, sometimes learning to deal with the good is harder. For instance, this past year, all of a sudden, when the book sold 15 million copies, it made me instantly very wealthy.
It also brought a lot of notoriety that I had never had to deal with before. I don't think God gives you money or notoriety for your own ego or for you to live a life of ease..
So I began to ask God what He wanted me to do with this money, notoriety and influence. He gave me two different passages that helped me decide what to do, II Corinthians 9 and Psalm 72.
First, in spite of all the money coming in, we would not change our lifestyle one bit.. We made no major purchases.
Second, about midway through last year, I stopped taking a salary from the church.
Third, we set up foundations to fund an initiative we call The Peace Plan to plant churches, equip leaders, assist the poor, care for the sick, and educate the next generation.
Fourth, I added up all that the church had paid me in the 24 years since I started the church, and I gave it all back. It was liberating to be able to serve God for free.
We need to ask ourselves: Am I going to live for possessions? Popularity?
Am I going to be driven by pressures? Guilt? Bitterness? Materialism? Or am I going to be driven by God's purposes (for my life)?
When I get up in the morning, I sit on the side of my bed and say, God, if I don't get anything else done today, I want to know You more and love You better. God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do.
That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.
Happy moments, PRAISE GOD.
Difficult moments, SEEK GOD.
Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD.
Painful moments, TRUST GOD.
Every moment, THANK GOD.
That is Rick Warren's approach to life. What is ours? How do our children see life? To them is it a mad rat race of making money and acquiring things? Do they have time and thought for God and others in their life? Isn't it time we pondered and we got our children to think?
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