"Good timber does not grow with ease. The stronger the wind, the stronger the trees."
Willard Marriot
Growing children are subject to two types of programming: Social Programming and Individual Programming. Social Programming happens through inputs children receive from parents, elders, teachers and others who have access to them. Individual Programming, which happens as the child grows and begins to reason, is the response the child works out to the Social Programming he received. With those inputs he chooses to agree or disagree or agree in part. The early years are crucial - the child is vulnerable and easily swayed by people he respects. That is why the role that parents play in the child's formation cannot be specifically defined - it goes beyond all boundaries and has an immeasurable impact on the child.
Let us look at a few positive instructions parents can give their children:
1) God comes first. His help is only a prayer away.
2) Family comes next.
3) Good schooling and college matter. They will make a difference at important times
in life.
4) A good name is better than riches. Riches perish, but a good name does not rust.
5) Health is wealth. It is only when you lose it that you know its true worth.
6) First you make your habits. Then your habits make you.
7) Your behavior speaks louder than the words you speak.
8) Win or lose, play the game right.
9) Caring for others makes us better human beings. We cannot touch the hearts of
others with anything less than our hearts.
10)Waste in any form is a loss. Time, talent, opportunity or others resources are
gifts from God; we have no right to waste them. Once lost, they do not return.
( Many such inputs can be given to children. This is just a short list.)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
9) Parenting Through Instructions
"The important thing is that children should grow up with parents who believe that there are some ways of life which for us today are better than others, and that these ways are worth defending with every ounce of our strength." Anna W.M.Wolf
The sacrifices that parents make for children edge out the heroics of soldiers in war and the passion of national greats who lay down their lives for their countries. For parents, there is no medal of honor, trophy or National Award. They give because of the joy of giving. Despite their good intentions and sacrifices, some parents end up having children who are selfish, unconcerned and a drain on society. Their selfishness is reflected in the way they bear grudges, throw temper-tantrums, indulge in destructive criticisms, self-indulge, demonstrate exaggerated feelings of inferiority, brag, bully and over-depend on parents. There is one way of describing such children:'spoiled brats'.
How do parents correct such behavior? Through well-thought-out Parental Instructions. Like tracks on the field, for athletes to stay within, Parental Instructions are guidelines for children to stay clear of corrupting influences and bad habits. Parental Instructions can be powerfully put across through example in action; they can also be conveyed through motivating words and unforgettable anecdotes. A glance from a parent can speak as eloquently as a well-orchestrated action. Such instructions should be reinforced with supporting actions. For example, if the lesson is on thrift, parental action should bolster those words.To say something, and to do the opposite nullifies the impact of the good words. For that reason, Parental Instruction and Example cannot be separated. For that reason again, parents have to constantly ask themselves if their lives are shedding light or casting shades.
Either through words or actions, or both, parents transmit their own set of values, to their children. If the value system of the parents is warped, there is every chance that children will justify their twisted logic, even as their parents did. By a process of osmosis, children absorb into themselves parental visions which are flawed or otherwise. The software children inherit from parents becomes the legacy which they log on to, even years after they have left home; and messages from what was once their home, flash on their mental monitors again and again.
It is not that 'good' parents succeed in giving their children only positive inputs.
Some negative inputs will disguise themselves and escape into the mental make-up of the children. But if inputs from parents are mainly positive and character-building,
children will find a way to counter the negative ones.
The sacrifices that parents make for children edge out the heroics of soldiers in war and the passion of national greats who lay down their lives for their countries. For parents, there is no medal of honor, trophy or National Award. They give because of the joy of giving. Despite their good intentions and sacrifices, some parents end up having children who are selfish, unconcerned and a drain on society. Their selfishness is reflected in the way they bear grudges, throw temper-tantrums, indulge in destructive criticisms, self-indulge, demonstrate exaggerated feelings of inferiority, brag, bully and over-depend on parents. There is one way of describing such children:'spoiled brats'.
How do parents correct such behavior? Through well-thought-out Parental Instructions. Like tracks on the field, for athletes to stay within, Parental Instructions are guidelines for children to stay clear of corrupting influences and bad habits. Parental Instructions can be powerfully put across through example in action; they can also be conveyed through motivating words and unforgettable anecdotes. A glance from a parent can speak as eloquently as a well-orchestrated action. Such instructions should be reinforced with supporting actions. For example, if the lesson is on thrift, parental action should bolster those words.To say something, and to do the opposite nullifies the impact of the good words. For that reason, Parental Instruction and Example cannot be separated. For that reason again, parents have to constantly ask themselves if their lives are shedding light or casting shades.
Either through words or actions, or both, parents transmit their own set of values, to their children. If the value system of the parents is warped, there is every chance that children will justify their twisted logic, even as their parents did. By a process of osmosis, children absorb into themselves parental visions which are flawed or otherwise. The software children inherit from parents becomes the legacy which they log on to, even years after they have left home; and messages from what was once their home, flash on their mental monitors again and again.
It is not that 'good' parents succeed in giving their children only positive inputs.
Some negative inputs will disguise themselves and escape into the mental make-up of the children. But if inputs from parents are mainly positive and character-building,
children will find a way to counter the negative ones.
Monday, March 23, 2009
8) Parenting through Example
"The only way to raise a decent human being is by being one." Ms Edna LeShan, American Psychologist.
Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize Winner(1952), a genius and one who put love into action, laid down three basic rules for parenting: Rule 1 - Example; Rule 2 - Example; Rule 3 - Example. In one mighty heave, he placed Example at the pinnacle. It will stay there with little danger of being dislodged. Why? Think of a candle burning bright. It can light many candles and still glow no less. That is what Example does. Like rain and snow which fall gently from the heavens to water the earth, a good example nourishes those who are moistened by it.
We often hear children ask their parents inconvenient questions:
* "Mummy, you tell me not to lie. Then why did you lie to aunt Jane?"
* "Daddy, you tell me to keep my promises. Why don't you keep your promises to me?"
* "Mummy, you tell us not to waste money. Why do you waste money on so many parties?"
Would a son respect a father who exhorts him to be honest, when the father himself will not give up his dishonest ways? Will a daughter admire and be drawn to her mother who chides her for not being discreet and guarded in her speech, when she sees her mother constantly faulting others in non-stop chatter?
If parents are not consistent in words and deeds, they are asking for trouble, because today children are not afraid to question them; unlike children of old who implicitly obeyed parents. When parents do not obey the rules they frame, when they do not keep the norms they set, when their preaching and practice are discordant, they do not earn the respect of their children. Children would rather observe and imitate the example they see in their parents, than follow what parents say. No wonder Oliver Goldsmith asserts: "You can preach a better sermon with your life, than with your lips". If parents do not walk the talk, they forfeit the claim to obedience from children.
It does not mean that parents have to be perfect. As long as children see their parents as heavenward-looking, down-to-earth Role Models, they will bond with them.
Albert Schweitzer, Nobel Peace Prize Winner(1952), a genius and one who put love into action, laid down three basic rules for parenting: Rule 1 - Example; Rule 2 - Example; Rule 3 - Example. In one mighty heave, he placed Example at the pinnacle. It will stay there with little danger of being dislodged. Why? Think of a candle burning bright. It can light many candles and still glow no less. That is what Example does. Like rain and snow which fall gently from the heavens to water the earth, a good example nourishes those who are moistened by it.
We often hear children ask their parents inconvenient questions:
* "Mummy, you tell me not to lie. Then why did you lie to aunt Jane?"
* "Daddy, you tell me to keep my promises. Why don't you keep your promises to me?"
* "Mummy, you tell us not to waste money. Why do you waste money on so many parties?"
Would a son respect a father who exhorts him to be honest, when the father himself will not give up his dishonest ways? Will a daughter admire and be drawn to her mother who chides her for not being discreet and guarded in her speech, when she sees her mother constantly faulting others in non-stop chatter?
If parents are not consistent in words and deeds, they are asking for trouble, because today children are not afraid to question them; unlike children of old who implicitly obeyed parents. When parents do not obey the rules they frame, when they do not keep the norms they set, when their preaching and practice are discordant, they do not earn the respect of their children. Children would rather observe and imitate the example they see in their parents, than follow what parents say. No wonder Oliver Goldsmith asserts: "You can preach a better sermon with your life, than with your lips". If parents do not walk the talk, they forfeit the claim to obedience from children.
It does not mean that parents have to be perfect. As long as children see their parents as heavenward-looking, down-to-earth Role Models, they will bond with them.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
7) Books on Parenting
In the last post I referred to studying books on Parenting, as part of the education process. Today it is easy to look up the internet to find titles. Despite that, some books are listed below to make it easier for you in the search. The books are classified into six broad categories. Please visit your favorite book store and browse these titles to decide on what suits your particular need. (Please note that I do not have a vested interest in listing these books).
1)EARLY STAGES
*The New Basics, by Michael Cohen
(A to Z baby and childcare, for the modern parent. An upbeat look at common concerns of first time parents.)
*What to Expect the First Year, by Heidi Murkoff, Sandee Hathway, Arlene Eisnberg
(For your own; and for adopted children.)
*The Baby Book, by William Sears and Marthe Sears
(Everything you need to know about your baby, from birth to age two.)
*The Mother of All Parenting Books, by Ann Douglas
(Raising your children from preschool to preteens.)
2)LESSONS IN PARENTING
*Parenting With Dignity, by Mac Bledsoe
(Teaches parents how to instill a sense of responsible decision making in their kids, based on a strong value-structure and a sense of accountability.)
*Buddha Never Raised Kids and Jesus Didn't Drive Carpools, by Vickie Falcone
(Parents have to be skilled in adapting to situations.)
*Children Are From Heaven, by John Gray
(Practical system for parenting from the author of Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus.)
*How to Behave, so Your Children will too, by Sal Severe
(To improve parenting and disciplining skills.)
*Good Child Guide, by Noel Swanson MD
(Putting an end to bad behavior.The fastest and easiest way to get your children to listen and behave.)
*Scream Free Parenting, by Hal Edward Runkel
(Creating a loving family environment, filled with mutual respect and cooperation.)
*Fatherhood, by Bill Cosby
(A father writes of his involvement in raising his children.)
3)CHRISTIAN APPROACH TO PARENTING
*Parenting by The Book, by John Rosemond
(Biblical wisdom for raising your child - shaping respectful,responsible and obedient children.)
*Successful Christian Parenting, by John MacArthur
(Christians need to know what the Bible teaches about parents and how they should put those lessons into practice.)
4)SPECIAL APPROACHES
*Show Me You Love Me, by Tara Koerber
(A parent's guide to teaching children that they are valuable.)
*10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting, by Laurence Steinberg
(Research-based program on how to raise a happy, healthy child.)
5)DISCIPLINING
*Positive Discipline, by Jane Ed.D.Nelsen
(The first three years. Laying the foundation for raising capable and confident children.)
*1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas W.Phelan
(Effective discipline for children 2-12.)
*Parenting with Love and Logic, by Foster W
(For disciplining older children.)
*Discipline That Works, by Joyce Divinyi
(Disciplining reduced to 5 simple steps.)
*Dare to Discipline, by James Dobson
(A comprehensive guide on disciplining.)
6)THESE CHILDREN NEED SPECIAL ATTENTION
*Your Defiant Child, by Russell A. Barkley, Christine M.Benton
(8 steps to better behavior.)
*What Angry Kids Need, by Jennifer Ann Brown, Pam Provonsha Hopkins
(Parenting your angry child without going mad.)
*Explosive Child, by Ross W.Greene
(For intensely emotional children. A new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated and chronically inflexible children.)
*Parenting Isn't for Cowards, by James C. Dobson
(Dealing confidently with strong-willed children.)
*Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
(A guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent and energetic.)
*The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, by Marti Olsen Lancy
(Helping your child thrive in an introverted world.)
*Getting to Dry, by Max Maizels, Diane Rosenbaum, Barabara Keating
(How to help your child overcome bed wetting.)
1)EARLY STAGES
*The New Basics, by Michael Cohen
(A to Z baby and childcare, for the modern parent. An upbeat look at common concerns of first time parents.)
*What to Expect the First Year, by Heidi Murkoff, Sandee Hathway, Arlene Eisnberg
(For your own; and for adopted children.)
*The Baby Book, by William Sears and Marthe Sears
(Everything you need to know about your baby, from birth to age two.)
*The Mother of All Parenting Books, by Ann Douglas
(Raising your children from preschool to preteens.)
2)LESSONS IN PARENTING
*Parenting With Dignity, by Mac Bledsoe
(Teaches parents how to instill a sense of responsible decision making in their kids, based on a strong value-structure and a sense of accountability.)
*Buddha Never Raised Kids and Jesus Didn't Drive Carpools, by Vickie Falcone
(Parents have to be skilled in adapting to situations.)
*Children Are From Heaven, by John Gray
(Practical system for parenting from the author of Men are from Mars,Women are from Venus.)
*How to Behave, so Your Children will too, by Sal Severe
(To improve parenting and disciplining skills.)
*Good Child Guide, by Noel Swanson MD
(Putting an end to bad behavior.The fastest and easiest way to get your children to listen and behave.)
*Scream Free Parenting, by Hal Edward Runkel
(Creating a loving family environment, filled with mutual respect and cooperation.)
*Fatherhood, by Bill Cosby
(A father writes of his involvement in raising his children.)
3)CHRISTIAN APPROACH TO PARENTING
*Parenting by The Book, by John Rosemond
(Biblical wisdom for raising your child - shaping respectful,responsible and obedient children.)
*Successful Christian Parenting, by John MacArthur
(Christians need to know what the Bible teaches about parents and how they should put those lessons into practice.)
4)SPECIAL APPROACHES
*Show Me You Love Me, by Tara Koerber
(A parent's guide to teaching children that they are valuable.)
*10 Basic Principles of Good Parenting, by Laurence Steinberg
(Research-based program on how to raise a happy, healthy child.)
5)DISCIPLINING
*Positive Discipline, by Jane Ed.D.Nelsen
(The first three years. Laying the foundation for raising capable and confident children.)
*1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas W.Phelan
(Effective discipline for children 2-12.)
*Parenting with Love and Logic, by Foster W
(For disciplining older children.)
*Discipline That Works, by Joyce Divinyi
(Disciplining reduced to 5 simple steps.)
*Dare to Discipline, by James Dobson
(A comprehensive guide on disciplining.)
6)THESE CHILDREN NEED SPECIAL ATTENTION
*Your Defiant Child, by Russell A. Barkley, Christine M.Benton
(8 steps to better behavior.)
*What Angry Kids Need, by Jennifer Ann Brown, Pam Provonsha Hopkins
(Parenting your angry child without going mad.)
*Explosive Child, by Ross W.Greene
(For intensely emotional children. A new approach for understanding and parenting easily frustrated and chronically inflexible children.)
*Parenting Isn't for Cowards, by James C. Dobson
(Dealing confidently with strong-willed children.)
*Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
(A guide for parents whose child is more intense, sensitive, perceptive, persistent and energetic.)
*The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child, by Marti Olsen Lancy
(Helping your child thrive in an introverted world.)
*Getting to Dry, by Max Maizels, Diane Rosenbaum, Barabara Keating
(How to help your child overcome bed wetting.)
Monday, March 16, 2009
6) How do we improve the quality of Parenting?
The problem begins even before the couple come together. When they plan to get married, their parents check credentials - family, caste, qualifications, job security, assets and so on. Seldom do they check on the compatibility of the partners and their readiness to bring up children with the right inputs. If the partners find each other, not seeking parental help and guidance, they too skip discussing children. Mutual interests, life style, strengths and weaknesses, preference in music, reading and internet sites, attitudes to sex and money figure in their conversations. Not children. Children are an after-thought. As a result, when the doctor announces that they will have a baby in a few months, they are pleasantly surprised, but ill-prepared. Some rushed action follows: reading up, checking with young mothers, preparing baby's room and buying things that baby will need - blue or pink. Even then there is little preparation on Parenting. So when the child arrives, it is just trial and error. When the baby cries what do we do? Give him a rap; no, cuddle him.
Why do these young people not get educated on Parenting? In every profession experience counts. Experience goes at a premium. When the first child arrives, there is no experience to count on. It is much, much later that they can speak of experience. What then is the way out?
1)Study (not read) books on parenting by truthful and trusted parents.
2)Attend well-recommended courses by tried and skilled parents,whose edifying experiences become unforgettable lessons.
3)Consult parents who have had successful experiences in parenting; whose children are role models for their peers.
4)Visit blogs which offer useful tips on parenting.
Over confidence in one's ability to cope with tricky situations can result in chaos in the family and harm to the child. It is wiser and safer to be educated in this
arduous, yet holy calling, preferably before the child arrives.
Why do these young people not get educated on Parenting? In every profession experience counts. Experience goes at a premium. When the first child arrives, there is no experience to count on. It is much, much later that they can speak of experience. What then is the way out?
1)Study (not read) books on parenting by truthful and trusted parents.
2)Attend well-recommended courses by tried and skilled parents,whose edifying experiences become unforgettable lessons.
3)Consult parents who have had successful experiences in parenting; whose children are role models for their peers.
4)Visit blogs which offer useful tips on parenting.
Over confidence in one's ability to cope with tricky situations can result in chaos in the family and harm to the child. It is wiser and safer to be educated in this
arduous, yet holy calling, preferably before the child arrives.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
5) "There is no such thing as a problem child."
"There is no such thing as a problem child. There is a problem parent. "Dr Anuradha Oberoi, Child Psychologist.
A diamond is mined, cut to size and polished to become a dazzling, often high-priced
treasure. Sometimes it is chipped in the refining process; then it suffers from loss of brilliance and value. Parenting follows a similar process. When a couple get their first child(that bundle of joy), the mining process starts. They pamper the child with gifts and affection. At that time they do not know what 'tough love' means. Lapses, one after another, pile up. Such experiences leave the parents exhausted, but wiser. Cutting the diamond to size has begun. Years later, after much hard work, repentance and reform, the diamond begins to take on a glow. Parenting is then coming into its own, through hard won experience. However if the learning process goes wrong, parents are devastated - they have lost the glow they should have had. How does this happen?
Some parents learn fast; others learn slowly, refusing to benefit from the experiences of parents they know and watch. A few shuffle their priorities and form habits which harm children. For example: some parents, despite their avowed concern for children, forsake them to grandparents, baby-sitters or fancy day-care-centers, in the name of their careers, which they believe cannot be comprised. They are eager to provide children with greater financial security, expecting that money will provide the answer to all questions, the solution to all problems. Only later they discover how wrong they were. A few others have their pet passions: partying, gambling, drinking, hanging out with 'friends', listening to their favorite music and watching TV for long hours.
Attending to the needs of children, then becomes a spare-time activity, or an act of relegating responsibility to domestic help. Such parents feel guilty and try to over-compensate their children, indulging them with gifts and concessions. They think that such 'gestures of love' will earn for them the 'affection' of their children. Spouses even compete in playing 'benefactor', hoping to polarize the attention of the children in his/her direction. In time they find out, to their dismay, that they received only 'lip-service' from children who manipulated them to gain favor after favor. The gap between spouses widens; slowly they lose control over themselves, the children and the whole family. In agony they ask: "Why did this happen to us? We gave the children all that they wanted". Very late, they realize that love cannot be purchased.
Why do well-meaning parents end up disappointed? Dr Anuradha Oberoi's words at the top of this post offer an answer.It is a sledge-hammer blow to parents who really want to succeed in parenting, yet fail.In humility, if parents accept that part of the blame rests with them (and not look for excuses), the obvious question is: How do we improve the quality of parenting?
A diamond is mined, cut to size and polished to become a dazzling, often high-priced
treasure. Sometimes it is chipped in the refining process; then it suffers from loss of brilliance and value. Parenting follows a similar process. When a couple get their first child(that bundle of joy), the mining process starts. They pamper the child with gifts and affection. At that time they do not know what 'tough love' means. Lapses, one after another, pile up. Such experiences leave the parents exhausted, but wiser. Cutting the diamond to size has begun. Years later, after much hard work, repentance and reform, the diamond begins to take on a glow. Parenting is then coming into its own, through hard won experience. However if the learning process goes wrong, parents are devastated - they have lost the glow they should have had. How does this happen?
Some parents learn fast; others learn slowly, refusing to benefit from the experiences of parents they know and watch. A few shuffle their priorities and form habits which harm children. For example: some parents, despite their avowed concern for children, forsake them to grandparents, baby-sitters or fancy day-care-centers, in the name of their careers, which they believe cannot be comprised. They are eager to provide children with greater financial security, expecting that money will provide the answer to all questions, the solution to all problems. Only later they discover how wrong they were. A few others have their pet passions: partying, gambling, drinking, hanging out with 'friends', listening to their favorite music and watching TV for long hours.
Attending to the needs of children, then becomes a spare-time activity, or an act of relegating responsibility to domestic help. Such parents feel guilty and try to over-compensate their children, indulging them with gifts and concessions. They think that such 'gestures of love' will earn for them the 'affection' of their children. Spouses even compete in playing 'benefactor', hoping to polarize the attention of the children in his/her direction. In time they find out, to their dismay, that they received only 'lip-service' from children who manipulated them to gain favor after favor. The gap between spouses widens; slowly they lose control over themselves, the children and the whole family. In agony they ask: "Why did this happen to us? We gave the children all that they wanted". Very late, they realize that love cannot be purchased.
Why do well-meaning parents end up disappointed? Dr Anuradha Oberoi's words at the top of this post offer an answer.It is a sledge-hammer blow to parents who really want to succeed in parenting, yet fail.In humility, if parents accept that part of the blame rests with them (and not look for excuses), the obvious question is: How do we improve the quality of parenting?
Monday, March 9, 2009
4) Holding up Parenting, the multi-faced Diamond
What is a Diamond? The Oxford Dictionary gives it the following meaning: it is 'a precious stone consisting of clear, colorless form of pure carbon, the hardest naturally occurring substance'.
Why is Parenting like a Diamond? BECAUSE A PARENT IS:
PRECIOUS: Who can deny that? A child who has lost his parents will vouch for that. Besides the child knowing that, it is important that Parents realize how vital their role is; and feel proud of being entrusted with the child, by a Trusting God.
COLORLESS: A parent should not suffer from any bias for or against a child. Any thinking which is colored leads to discoloration. Therefore, a parent will have no pets, no favorites, no preference for boy over girl or girl over boy. A mother of six was asked who of her children she loved most. She said that she loved that child most who was in trouble. When he got out of trouble, she loved most the next who was in trouble. Her focus was on the need of the child.
PURE: Parenting is flawed when the child is exploited and not served. Then the Diamond loses luster and value. My Father often said: 'Expectation is a sure recipe for disappointment'. Expect nothing; have no agenda, he explained. In the purity of his/her heart, let no parent expect payback. If it comes, by way of caring and serving acts of the child, treat such behavior as a bonus and be thankful to God and the child.
HARD: A parent is hard(tough) in making sacrifices for the child; without complaining; not expecting appreciation. And he/she is hard(strong) in resisting decadent and corrosive ideas and practices that try to eat into the family-fabric; and is hard(firm) in disciplining.
NATURAL: Loving and caring come naturally to parents. For them, it is not a show of affection, but the very beat of their large hearts. To them, it is as easy as breathing. In the shade of God's outstretched Hand,they mold the child for posterity.
MULTI-FACED: The many faces of a Diamond glow. So does a Parent, through diverse skills. Teaching and training; counseling and disciplining; providing emotional and physical support and healing. There is nothing that a parent will not do for the child.
SHINING: A Diamond dazzles and is brilliant. So is a parent whose goodness shines. Through some unchecked weakness, if a parent loses sparkle, the child is impacted;
sometimes irreversibly. So,a parent has no choice but to shine brightly.
How do we measure up? How many carats?
(More on these points will appear in subsequent posts.)
Why is Parenting like a Diamond? BECAUSE A PARENT IS:
PRECIOUS: Who can deny that? A child who has lost his parents will vouch for that. Besides the child knowing that, it is important that Parents realize how vital their role is; and feel proud of being entrusted with the child, by a Trusting God.
COLORLESS: A parent should not suffer from any bias for or against a child. Any thinking which is colored leads to discoloration. Therefore, a parent will have no pets, no favorites, no preference for boy over girl or girl over boy. A mother of six was asked who of her children she loved most. She said that she loved that child most who was in trouble. When he got out of trouble, she loved most the next who was in trouble. Her focus was on the need of the child.
PURE: Parenting is flawed when the child is exploited and not served. Then the Diamond loses luster and value. My Father often said: 'Expectation is a sure recipe for disappointment'. Expect nothing; have no agenda, he explained. In the purity of his/her heart, let no parent expect payback. If it comes, by way of caring and serving acts of the child, treat such behavior as a bonus and be thankful to God and the child.
HARD: A parent is hard(tough) in making sacrifices for the child; without complaining; not expecting appreciation. And he/she is hard(strong) in resisting decadent and corrosive ideas and practices that try to eat into the family-fabric; and is hard(firm) in disciplining.
NATURAL: Loving and caring come naturally to parents. For them, it is not a show of affection, but the very beat of their large hearts. To them, it is as easy as breathing. In the shade of God's outstretched Hand,they mold the child for posterity.
MULTI-FACED: The many faces of a Diamond glow. So does a Parent, through diverse skills. Teaching and training; counseling and disciplining; providing emotional and physical support and healing. There is nothing that a parent will not do for the child.
SHINING: A Diamond dazzles and is brilliant. So is a parent whose goodness shines. Through some unchecked weakness, if a parent loses sparkle, the child is impacted;
sometimes irreversibly. So,a parent has no choice but to shine brightly.
How do we measure up? How many carats?
(More on these points will appear in subsequent posts.)
Thursday, March 5, 2009
3) Who is Little Joe ?
Who is Little Joe? Is he a biological product?
Science can explain how the body of Little Joe is formed in his mother's Womb. It can trace his growth from embryo to full grown babe. But it cannot explain how 'life' was breathed into that child. In fact, Science is confused over explaining 'life' itself. At some point in his growth,in his mother's womb, Little Joe receives 'life'. At that point he becomes an unique individual. In the whole wide world, Little Joe will not have a clone; because when God breathed 'life' into his body, He did not want to create a copy of someone else. He wanted Joe to be different; special. No one like Little Joe ever walked this earth before; no one like him will walk it again. That is how God works. Not Science. So biology,at best can explain a few things; then it stops. Without doubt Little Joe is a gift to his parents from a Merciful, All-Knowing and All-Powerful God.
So, caring for a child, God's Gift, is about employing the 'Divine' streak in parents. Parenting is therefore, not just a duty, or a responsibility, but an exalted vocation; different from all others; dignified and ennobled, beyond comparison. By its very nature it places on parents the responsibility to adapt to the needs of each child; because each is different; unique.
Parents, are we conscious and proud of our calling?
Science can explain how the body of Little Joe is formed in his mother's Womb. It can trace his growth from embryo to full grown babe. But it cannot explain how 'life' was breathed into that child. In fact, Science is confused over explaining 'life' itself. At some point in his growth,in his mother's womb, Little Joe receives 'life'. At that point he becomes an unique individual. In the whole wide world, Little Joe will not have a clone; because when God breathed 'life' into his body, He did not want to create a copy of someone else. He wanted Joe to be different; special. No one like Little Joe ever walked this earth before; no one like him will walk it again. That is how God works. Not Science. So biology,at best can explain a few things; then it stops. Without doubt Little Joe is a gift to his parents from a Merciful, All-Knowing and All-Powerful God.
So, caring for a child, God's Gift, is about employing the 'Divine' streak in parents. Parenting is therefore, not just a duty, or a responsibility, but an exalted vocation; different from all others; dignified and ennobled, beyond comparison. By its very nature it places on parents the responsibility to adapt to the needs of each child; because each is different; unique.
Parents, are we conscious and proud of our calling?
Sunday, March 1, 2009
2) Is it crazy to want to be a Parent ?
Why not check it out?
* Ask childless couples if they are crazy to want to move heaven and earth for a child.
* Ask a young mother who has just lost her infant in a fatal accident, whether she was crazy to have had that baby, in the first place.
* Ask old parents, who have just lost their only young son (full of promise and energy) in the war zone, if their years of parenting are wasted and lie buried under the tombstone of their son.
- What answers do you think we will get?
Is life weighed in pan scales? Should X inputs be balanced against Y outputs? If efforts to raise children are not recompensed, why the heck have them?
I have often wondered why people make sacrifices for others, with no reward in sight? For example, why would a man lay down his life for friend, when he will not even enjoy the glory that goes with martyrdom? Why would a mother sit by her child who has lapsed into a coma with no hope of recovery? Why would a father work his fingers to the bone to clear the debts of his vagabond son?
In relationships pan scales do not work. Parenting has nothing to do with rewards. It is the touch of the 'Divine' in us.
Is a child a gift from a merciful God or a biological product ?
* Ask childless couples if they are crazy to want to move heaven and earth for a child.
* Ask a young mother who has just lost her infant in a fatal accident, whether she was crazy to have had that baby, in the first place.
* Ask old parents, who have just lost their only young son (full of promise and energy) in the war zone, if their years of parenting are wasted and lie buried under the tombstone of their son.
- What answers do you think we will get?
Is life weighed in pan scales? Should X inputs be balanced against Y outputs? If efforts to raise children are not recompensed, why the heck have them?
I have often wondered why people make sacrifices for others, with no reward in sight? For example, why would a man lay down his life for friend, when he will not even enjoy the glory that goes with martyrdom? Why would a mother sit by her child who has lapsed into a coma with no hope of recovery? Why would a father work his fingers to the bone to clear the debts of his vagabond son?
In relationships pan scales do not work. Parenting has nothing to do with rewards. It is the touch of the 'Divine' in us.
Is a child a gift from a merciful God or a biological product ?
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